I have something to tell you:
I was once three middle-aged men and a robot.
I could just leave it at that and let you fill in the “how the…” but I will elaborate.
I am a massive fan of The Venture Bros. “Obsessive nerd” may actually be a better descriptor. Back in 2009ish, an unofficial twitter fan account for Dean Venture became rather popular. My memory is not clear on the details of how everything unfolded from there. I had just moved to Los Angeles and was adjusting to a new life. It’s even possible that some of this all got started on one of the nights I had taken Ambien as that was a… thing… for a few months around the time of my move. Be wary of that drug is all I’m going to say on that subject. It’s a weird one.
Anyway, it turned out there was a group of people and they all wanted to start other role playing Venture Bros fan accounts and were looking for other players.
“Please tell me you need a Doctor Orpheus!”
“We do!”
And so it started. On Christmas night, I became Doctor O, hands down my favorite character on the show.
Drawn by me. At least partially. Then I passed out from Ambien. Man, I will never take that stuff again…
He’s a necromancer styled after Doctor Strange. His manner of speech is archaic and dramatic. He wields powerful magic and is often the only voice of reason in the Venture household. But he’s also a single dad in the midst of a midlife crisis and teased mercilessly by Dr. Venture, who for much of the show is his landlord. I took WAY too much pleasure crafting inane everyday tweets in his “voice.” Some examples:
ACCURSED 140 CHARACTER LIMIT! My ponderings shall not be contained by a mere arbitrary digital restriction!!
— Dr. Byron Orpheus (@Doctor_Orpheus) December 27, 2009
My Pumpkin has arrived for the blue moon celebration of the Gregorian New Year! But we still need milk. And the claw of a komodo dragon...
— Dr. Byron Orpheus (@Doctor_Orpheus) December 30, 2009
Did "sexy" vanish into the ethereal realm? And why must @jtimberlake bring it back? Is he a necromancer?
— Dr. Byron Orpheus (@Doctor_Orpheus) January 4, 2010
I could go on and on, or you could just go check out Doctor Orpheus on Twitter if you want more.
Eventually, the other Venture players and I revealed our real-life selves to one another over chat. I will not out my fellow players, but I was tickled that every single one of us was female. I’m still good virtual friends with some of them and hope we can meet in the real world some day.
We divvied out some of the other roles. Soon I became Hunter Gathers, another favorite. He (and sometimes she) is an agent of various clandestine groups on the show. His mannerisms are 100% Hunter S. Thompson as an action spy. Another voice to play with.
Some think twitter's about being nice & holding hands. WELL IT'S NOT, DAMN YOU! It's about following & being followed. INTELLIGENCE STUFF!
— Col Hunter Gathers (@ColGathers) January 9, 2010
What's a lolcat, dammit? And why is it saying "IM IN UR INTELLIGENCE, SELLIN ALL UR SECRETS!?"
— Col Hunter Gathers (@ColGathers) January 11, 2010
Damn you, @Doctor_Orpheus you Gothic, mossback specter wrangler! I WAS TALKING ABOUT C-4!! I just saved @RustyAdventurer's life!
— Col Hunter Gathers (@ColGathers) June 24, 2010
As you can see, we all started “conversing” with one another on Twitter. Sometimes “accidentally.” Doctor O tweeted out his “phone number” once- a google voice number I had purchased only to make a voicemail message to see how many people would call. Quite a few did. We created story lines and it was fun tweeting to friends who were fans of the show and who had absolutely no idea I was behind the accounts. Tweeting conversations with yourself is an interesting experience.
Eventually, I added Brock Samson to my repertoire (though there were a few of us tweeting as him and I couldn’t keep us straight after a while). This had an extra layer of geek fun to it as I once worked with Patrick Warburton on a short film. Yes, it was super cool. Imagine him looking up at you and with that voice saying, “I feel like I’m gonna throw up.” (I was the script supervisor and we maybe overdid it a bit with the fog machines…)
Guy at the coffee shop is kinda pissin' me off. Might have to get some "practical" practice in before my Krav Maga training...
— Brock Samson (@B_rockOn) February 22, 2010
AW THAT'S IT!!! Guy just spilled his mocha on my ONLY CLEAN SHIRT!!
— Brock Samson (@B_rockOn) February 22, 2010
Dammit! Now there's blood AND mocha on my only clean shirt! Hey @ColGathers we got that washer hookup at SPHINX yet?
— Brock Samson (@B_rockOn) February 22, 2010
Etc. I was taking the whole thing very seriously (and having way too much fun doing it). Soon, Doctor Orpheus had more Twitter followers than my personal Twitter account. Sadly, the characters have been pretty quiet for the past few years and most of their followers have vanished. The account interactions are no longer reflective of how popular these characters were back then. Ah, digital. The whole thing was a wonderful writing/improv exercise, though. I got to play with different voices in specific situations. Eventually, I took up a bigger challenge: tweeting as the non-human H.E.L.P.eR. robot.
4e6f 74 2066 65656c 69 6e67 20 77 65 6c6c2e 2057 68 61 74206973 20 74 6869 73 20676f 6f 20 6f6e 20 6d 79 20 7072 6f 63 6573 736f 72 3f
— H.E.L.P.eR. (@HELPeR_Bot) April 2, 2010
@J_Blownapart (¬_¬)
— H.E.L.P.eR. (@HELPeR_Bot) January 9, 2010
67 69 76 65 20 69 74 20 74 6f 20 74 6865 20 70 65 6f 70 6c6520 79 6f 75 20 6c 6f76 65 2e 0d 0a 2d 2d20 4d 61 79 6120 41 6e 67 65 6c 6f 75 20
— H.E.L.P.eR. (@HELPeR_Bot) January 12, 2010
…what? H.E.L.P.eR. doesn’t actually speak on the show. At least, he doesn’t speak English. His character posed more of a technical question of “how do I capture his voice” than a writerly one. My solution? H.E.L.P.eR. speaks in hexadecimal and kaomoji. Here’s a translator (the one on his profile doesn’t link to anything anymore and I kind of lost half of these accounts’ login info).
This was a fun way to pass the time between extras and temp/contract web developing gigs. Eventually, though, life took over and I had no more time to devote to this little Twitter world (and figured I should probably start focusing on my other writing). I miss this side of the Internet, though. If it’s still there, it’s damn hard to find amidst all of the conspiracy theories and online political “news” screaming.
Now, I know some of you are wondering is this legal? As far as I know, since we were all parody accounts, yes. We never claimed to be affiliated with the show and stated so regularly. I mean, I guess I will find out, now that I have outted myself here. Though, I outted myself to one of the show’s producers/writers long ago at Comic-Con and wasn’t immediately arrested. We ran into Doc Hammer and I fessed up to him. He was actually tickled and dying to know how I did H.E.L.P.eR. He told me his dialog is always fun to try to write in a script.
I’m actually writing this in honor of that convention. I haven’t been since I had a kid. The logistics and costs of going to a giant convention with a young one who might need to be wheeled to a nearby hotel for a nap mid-day made such an adventure pretty much impossible. Not to mention the fact that the “nerd flu” that circulates around the halls is bad enough in a non-COVID year. This year, I was finally able to afford it and felt the little one was old enough to appreciate it. Alas.